The one surefire way to have an unforgettable wedding
You have defeated the perfect place, you have ordered an exquisite menu, you have set the gate, the beautiful invitations have gone out, you have rented a DJ, the seating plan takes shape and the rehearsal space has been chosen
They have all the details except one covered: the actual wedding.
For many couples, this ritual is the obligation when they publicly devote their lives to one another, beyond a thought: it is an annoyance. Some have simply decided to look after the contract in the court building. But those who plan the inclusion of a ceremony in the events usually have only one thought: make it short.
This approach is a mistake.
The secret to a truly beautiful, fun and memorable wedding is to spend at least as much time with the actual ceremony as you spend on any other detail.
All of us are invited to many parties, even really funny. However, we are almost never to witness and participate in rituals that focus on the love, hope and commitment represented by a wedding. As a couple you will never have another opportunity to show the love you have for each other to the people to whom you are closest and who have gathered for your wedding.
The ceremony gives you the opportunity to really focus on your love and how you are gong to express it to others. If you take the time to reflect, create and communicate a ritual that conveys your love for each other, it will convey the rest of the festivities, a power and joy that simply will not be without them.
I have worked with many couples to create meaningful ceremonies. My experience has taught me that there are five important decisions or homework, as I call it, which will lead to a ceremony that will help make your wedding a beautiful and meaningful day for you and your loved ones.
Choose your officiant
The choice of the person who will stand with you in front of your congregation will lead you into your vows and make the pronunciation that you are married the most important choice. For many, this is simply the leader of the religious or spiritual tradition from which you come. Performing weddings is part of what religious leaders are expected, and they will work with you on the particular requirements of your tradition. While this will limit the improvisation of creating your own ceremony, it will lend a feeling of tradition and connection with your parents and grandparents.
Weddings with two people of different traditions can present challenges when both parties feel strong. Some religious leaders will not perform interreligious weddings, although it is often possible to include a religious leader of both traditions.
For those of you who are not associated with a particular tradition (and that is a growing number), there are many religious, spiritual, and secular solicitors who are available to commit your wedding. The best place to start is to ask friends when they’ve seen someone at a wedding that seemed to be a good fit. There are also listings of wedding officers on the Internet; And if you have a location and work with a wedding coordinator, you can ask who can recommend it.
Make sure you take the time to interview them. Ask what kind of weddings they have done in the past and how open they are to work with you to create the ceremony that suits who you are. You should be flexible and care about you and your ideas as they tell you what they are doing. It makes a big difference to have an officer who gets you as individuals and as a couple.
Readings, music, reflections
If you work with your religious leader, ask him or her which parts of the ceremony are required by your tradition and which parts you can meet. In most cases, there is the opportunity to work with your clergy to select your readings, prayers, and music in the context of religious worship.
Of course there is even more freedom when working with a freelance officer and building the ceremony itself out of an empty slate.
Photo: Vintage bridesmaid dresses
When I work with a couple, I suggest that they take some time to talk about what readings really talked to them as a couple. While there are books of wedding readings, it is even better to look in your own library and see what you find there. Or to ask your parents, grandparents, and other loved ones about the readings they used at their wedding.
Readings should not be long one or two paragraphs is a good length, as people pursue a hard time to pursue much longer than that. One way is to invite a friend or loved one to do a reading of their choice. This requires a high threshold for surprise and can be cumbersome when reading is from the base. Asking someone to read a passage that tells you something as a couple is often enough honor.
Music is often played at the beginning during the procession and at the end of the recession. There are the old come here the bride standbys, but you can be creative. My sister-in-law surprised my brother by coming into the ominous and amusing sounds of 2001: an outer space odyssey.
If you have no musicians, the recorded music is good for the procession and the recession, but during the ceremony, the recording music plays, no matter how great, is unpleasant and endless. You can almost always find a friend who can play the guitar or sing and they will be happy to participate. Otherwise, hire some professionals.
You may also want someone to make a reflection or a prayer. Often, a religious leader will provide some wise words that will be given specifically to the couple instead of a generic sermon given at each wedding. Similarly, invite only your freelance officer to offer words when they have time to get to know you. But sometimes it is really nice to honor a grandparent, a mentor or a friend with the invitation to offer a blessing, a meditation or a prayer during your ceremony. Make sure that you specify the parameters of the invitation no 45-minute sermons, unless that is what you really want. Also, it is important to make it clear that this is different from a toast or roast that can be served at dinner. Rather, the speaker should offer words or a prayer that rise in the right tone and power to be included in the ceremony.
As a couple you should decide what kind of vows you would like to exchange. Again, some may be prescribed in your religious or spiritual tradition. Make sure you are comfortable with the words you say before the ceremony. For example, some vows ask for a woman to obey the man, but make no similar mutual demands. Take a look at the vows and talk them with your clerical person to make sure you really want to promise them together.
At the other end of the spectrum are self-written vows. In this case, try to talk with your future partner about the length and tone of the vows. Decide whether you say the same thing to each other and if you know what you say before. I tend to encourage a combination of traditional vows and some creative personal vows for the couples I work with. It is nicely gathered for people to hear some recognizable words like I do and I take you.
But this does not exclude the original vow. You can easily have both. The most important thing is to have vows, which you both believe and feel comfortable to say publicly. It is also nice for your family and friends to have a chance to scold with an explanation that they swear to help your marriage so you can feel their support. I often invite the assembled group to call their own promise to assist the couple with a clear We do.
Creation of space
If you are not marrying in a house of worship, you have some flexibility in the type of space that you want to create with your wedding. While you can have the two poles with the center, you can also create a circle or a semicircle. Also, you want to create some kind of altar with flowers, or symbols of your love including mementos, which mean something for you two.
Remember that you need a place for you two, the Officiant and all the others that you want to get up there with you. Also plot the way through which you will all enter the room and leave. This can also be done creatively. I worked with a couple who were dancers in a famous dance company in New York who really knew how to make an entrance.
Make sure the space is set up for your guests. It is my experience that for any wedding over 50 people requires some kind of reinforcement and after the care you have taken with the readings, reflections, music and vows you want to be heard of. Your DJ can often adjust you with a microphone and amplifier.
Creating a ceremony is not rocket science. You have to create the space, come into the room, offer some word, music, vows and exchange rings and then leave the room. To help you present the ceremony here is a very naked bone structure of a ceremony:
Welcoming the music
Readings, music, blessings
Possible sermon of Officiant
Exchange of vows
Exchange of rings
It will be up to you to give this bone life and bring the whole ceremony you have in your heart by creating a very unique ceremony that reflects the love and commitment you have for each other.
If you take the time and have the right intention to do so, I promise that your guest will thank you for sharing your love for each other with them and your wedding will be unforgettable (source of: wedding dress)